Sea Monster

This is what happens when you let "M" eat Laffy Taffy.

[10:49 AM] M: what is a sea monster's favorite junk food?
[10:50 AM] K: humans
[10:50 AM] M: no
[10:50 AM] M: ships and dip
[10:50 AM] K: oh my god
[10:51 AM] K: please stop
[10:51 AM] M: what's a sea monster's favorite meal?
[10:51 AM] K: sushi
[10:51 AM] M: no
[10:51 AM] K: stop
[10:51 AM] M: fish and ships
[10:52 AM] M: what's a sea monster's favorite dessert?
[10:52 AM] K: does it have the word 'ship' in it?
[10:52 AM] M: it might
[10:52 AM] K: a banana ship?
[10:53 AM] M: duh. no.
[10:53 AM] K: a chocolate ship cookie?
[10:53 AM] M: that's pretty good but no.
[10:53 AM] M: it's actually cake and ice cream
[10:54 AM] K: is that my hint?
[10:54 AM] M: no
[10:54 AM] M: that's what it is
[10:54 AM] M: cake and ice cream
[10:54 AM] K: i hate you

Moustache May & Vanilla Ice

Every May men in the office have a moustache growing competition. Just a moustache, no other facial hair allowed, and it has to be a full on moustache. As it is no longer 1975, it takes a while for them to get used to the new found fuzz on their upper lip.

m [05/09/2007 3:00 PM]: have you ever seen the impromptu musicals on youtube?
k [05/09/2007 3:01 PM]: no! we should really post something on there.
k [05/09/2007 3:01 PM]: is it good?
m [05/09/2007 3:01 PM]: it's HIL-ARIOUS
m [05/09/2007 3:01 PM]: this guy just all of a sudden gets up in the middle of class and starts singing, musical style
k [05/09/2007 3:02 PM]: We should do that
k [05/09/2007 3:02 PM]: With Glitter Babe Gabe
m [05/09/2007 3:02 PM]: people would laugh so hard
m [05/09/2007 3:02 PM]: i wish i had the guts to do something like that
m [05/09/2007 3:03 PM]: i'm pretty crazy, but not THAT crazy
k [05/09/2007 3:03 PM]: It's still early... we'll see in another 2 months
m [05/09/2007 3:08 PM]: that would be great actually
m [05/09/2007 3:08 PM]: we could keep some ghetto gear in our desk
m [05/09/2007 3:08 PM]: and then just bust out in the middle of the afternoon rapping ice ice baby
m [05/09/2007 3:08 PM]: or something
k [05/09/2007 3:09 PM]: We need the lyrics.
m [05/09/2007 3:10 PM]: Yo VIP let's kick it
Ice ice baby (x2)
All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
CHORUS
Ice ice baby vanillla (x4)
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' in my 5.0
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block
The block was dead
Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells
Falling on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car slammed on the gas
Bumpet to bumper the avenue's packed
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack
Police on the scene you know what I mean
They passed me up confronted all the dope fiends
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
REPEAT CHORUS
Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while Shay revolves it
Ice ice baby vanilla
Ice ice baby (oh-oh) vanilla
Ice ice baby vanilla
Ice ice baby vanilla ice
Yo man let's get out of here
Word to your mother
Ice ice baby too cold
Ice ice baby too cold too cold (x2)
Ice ice baby

m [05/09/2007 3:16 PM]: you got 'em, now whatcha gonna do with 'em??
k [05/09/2007 3:16 PM]: I need to drop some knowledge on these fools
m [05/09/2007 3:18 PM]: ready....and.........GO!
k [05/09/2007 3:18 PM]: dont call me out. I'm still trying to get use to the mustache

Backup Dancer

m [05/09/2007 2:37 PM]: so there was this girl that i worked with at my last company....
m [05/09/2007 2:37 PM]: she would always have her headphones on and she'd sing, terribly
m [05/09/2007 2:37 PM]: i'm going to start doing that to you
k [05/09/2007 2:38 PM]: nice! what kind of music will you sing? movie soundtracks? rap?
m [05/09/2007 2:38 PM]: 90's rap and celine dion songs
k [05/09/2007 2:38 PM]: At the same time?
m [05/09/2007 2:38 PM]: maybe, that would be a cool mash up
k [05/09/2007 2:39 PM]: fureal yo
m [05/09/2007 2:39 PM]: fo shizzle
k [05/09/2007 2:39 PM]: 90s rap... early rap like MC Hammer or later stuff like tupac?
m [05/09/2007 2:40 PM]: both
m [05/09/2007 2:40 PM]: a little vanilla ice
m [05/09/2007 2:40 PM]: a little snoop dogg
m [05/09/2007 2:40 PM]: maybe through in some ice cube
m [05/09/2007 2:40 PM]: who knows?!?
k [05/09/2007 2:40 PM]: that would be snaptacular!
k [05/09/2007 2:41 PM]: At the end of each song, you should throw a pen at Gabe.*
m [05/09/2007 2:41 PM]: no, gabe is one of my backup dancers...you know with the glitter and all
k [05/09/2007 2:45 PM]: he needs a sexy dancer name.
m [05/09/2007 2:45 PM]: b-to-the-gabe
k [05/09/2007 2:46 PM]: sexier
k [05/09/2007 2:49 PM]: Like...
k [05/09/2007 2:49 PM]: Butter Beans
m [05/09/2007 2:49 PM]: so not sexy
m [05/09/2007 2:49 PM]: come on
m [05/09/2007 2:49 PM]: that was terrible
m [05/09/2007 2:49 PM]: glitter babe gabe

*name changed to protect the innocent

Famima

Most of the conversations have to do with lunch or the daily dating drama of "M". This one is about lunch.

k [05/07/2007 12:04 PM]: famima?
m [05/07/2007 12:04 PM]: uh, what?
k [05/07/2007 12:05 PM]: famima. It's a little pre-sandwich convenience store around the block.
m [05/07/2007 12:05 PM]: what's a pre-sandwich?
k [05/07/2007 12:05 PM]: pre-made sandwiches, fruit, chips, etc.
k [05/07/2007 12:06 PM]: made and wrapped and stuck in a rack
m [05/07/2007 12:06 PM]: pre-made fruit, that's amazing
m [05/07/2007 12:06 PM]: just kidding
k [05/07/2007 12:06 PM]: why u gotta attack on a monday?
k [05/07/2007 12:06 PM]: I'm barely awake still
m [05/07/2007 12:07 PM]: 'cause i'm tired and i don't feel good and you're all "pre-sandwich" over there

Lunch

The office is so quiet that talking on the phone is embarrassing. Hence why most of the employees talk on the interoffice messenger, even when they sit right next to each other [as do "K" and "M"].

k [05/03/2007 11:57 AM]: cool. lets roll in a few minutes before my stomach starts making more noise than this room can handle
m [05/03/2007 11:57 AM]: what? you mean your stomach is growling at a very quiet, almost undetectable whisper?
m [05/03/2007 11:58 AM]: anything louder than that would disturb this room!
k[05/03/2007 11:58 AM]: yes but in here, it sounds like a roar of a thousand baboons
m [05/03/2007 11:59 AM]: 5,000 baboons
m [05/03/2007 11:59 AM]: and a squirrel
k [05/03/2007 11:59 AM]: a shaved angry squirrel
m [05/03/2007 12:04 PM]: speaking of shaved angry squirrels......i'm hungry

Day 8 - PM

m [04/26/2007 1:29 PM]: do you ever have those moments when you wonder how your friends and/or loved ones ever made it through college??
k [04/26/2007 1:30 PM]: I dont know how I even made it. The biggest challenge for me when I went was how to do my own laundry.
m [04/26/2007 1:33 PM]: yeah, a lot of people don't know how to do laundry. however, do you know how to edit your resume?
k [04/26/2007 1:34 PM]: Edit the rez?
k [04/26/2007 1:34 PM]: I dont know if Im any good at it.
k [04/26/2007 1:34 PM]: I know I'm bad a fluff.
k [04/26/2007 1:35 PM]: Some people I knwo are great at "massaging" their resumes.
m [04/26/2007 1:35 PM]: but you know how to use some sort of word processor
m [04/26/2007 1:35 PM]: that's what i'm getting at
k [04/26/2007 1:35 PM]: I hope so. That's why I moved out of the cave and joined society
k [04/26/2007 1:36 PM]: you dude having issues with magic box that types?
k [04/26/2007 1:36 PM]: your
m [04/26/2007 1:36 PM]: yes!
m [04/26/2007 1:37 PM]: he's great with video editing and every other type of technology, but when it comes to typing something and formatting it correctly, it's like he's never seen a computer before
k [04/26/2007 1:38 PM]: okay so he isnt technology handicap, it's just desktop publishing tools...
k [04/26/2007 1:38 PM]: or he might be using the typical guy angle that I use. Be really bad at something so I don't have to do it. :)

Day 8 - AM

m [04/26/2007 9:54 AM]: what's the "y" for in **?
k [04/26/2007 9:56 AM]: Yolanda
m [04/26/2007 9:57 AM]: really?
k [04/26/2007 9:57 AM]: :^0
k [04/26/2007 9:57 AM]: no. but if it was, it would hurt that you laughed.
m [04/26/2007 9:58 AM]: i wasn't laughing at you, i was laughing at......ummm.......something else
k [04/26/2007 9:59 AM]: You ere laughing at my Yolanda-osity!
m [04/26/2007 10:03 AM]: no, more like your Yolanda-ness
k [04/26/2007 10:04 AM]: Thanks for correcting my Yo-pas

**Actual name removed to maintain confidentiality